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THIS SUPERSEDES ALL OTHER NOTICES:
Any resemblance between the following views and those of your building, your employer, your colleagues, or
the view out your window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the below and your own views is
non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as
an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the
second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of
this article.)
WARNING:
This website warps space and time in its vicinity.
WARNING:
This website attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including the websites of other
manufacturers, with a force proportional to the website of the masses and inversely proportional to the
distance between them.
CAUTION:
The mass of this website contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
HEALTH WARNING:
Care should be taken when lifting this website, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its
velocity relative to the visitor.
ADVISORY:
There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this website
may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe,
including your neighbor's domicile. The Tangmonkey Group will not be responsible for any damages or
inconvenience that may result.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE:
The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this website are exactly the same in every
measurable respect as those used in the websites of other Media Empires, and no claim to the contrary may
legitimately be expressed or implied.
CONSUMER NOTICE:
Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," it is impossible for the visitor to find out at the same time both
precisely where this website is and how fast it is moving.
WARNING:
According to certain suggested versions of a grand unified theory, the primary particles constituting this
website may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
NOTE:
The most fundamental particles in this website are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is
currently known and whose adhesive power cannot therefore be permanently guaRANTeed.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO VISITORS:
The entire physical universe, including this site, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small
space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this website in that universe
cannot be guaRANTeed.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW:
Any use of this website, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe.
Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to
the heat death of the universe.
ATTENTION:
Despite any other listing of website contents found herein, the consumer is advised that, in actuality,
this website consists of 99.999999999999% empty space.
This website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either the Tangmonkey Group, TANGMONKEY.COM, its
friends, or its letterhead; don't quote the Group on that; don't quote the Group on anything; all rights
reserved; you may distribute this URL freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to
change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual
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persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each
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sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental
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